Make A List

So I was told that I need to make a list of all the shyte I want to change or start doing in the near future. Ya know, when you’re feeling restless you need to make some decisions.

So here’s the stuff that I really want to do more of:

* Draw more. I’d really like to pick back up pen&ink/watercolor painting again.

* Get more fit. I should probably buy some running shoes and start jogging when I walk Onix erryday. I also want to resume my Yoga routine. I miss that, and the serenity it brings.

* Spend more time with my friends. Work is lovely, but if you don’t invest in other people you’re going to be lonely fast.

* Make some decisions about my future. What am I doing with my life? I need to start working that out. 

* Read more books. I want to make time to read before I go to sleep every night. 

* Grow my hair out all the way this time. Don’t get overwhelmed and hack it all off. Patience doesn’t come easily for me. I’m making a lot of progress on that front! 

* Oh, and the last thing. That last fucking thing. Oh my god, this thing I really just can’t deal with not having done yet… 

I want that last god damn achievement in Skyrim!

Do you see this torturous horror?

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OBEY

Playing around with some old pics of the kids (Boba Fett & Onix)

i luv dis kitty

In the Muck

Being fabulous on a budget is difficult, and don’t let anyone tell you different.

Lately I’ve been struggling a lot. Being a solo female trying to make it on my own in the admittedly tiny city has taken it’s toll. There are so many things you don’t think about having to purchase when you make a decision to cut ties & strike out. Knowing you won’t be able to slip back into your parents house to grab shampoo or leftovers sort of takes the quaintness out of the adventure, replacing it with something more sinister and thrilling – You’re free falling into your future, no longer merely a passenger on the S.S. Predetermination. 

I worry about whether I’ve turned the heat on too soon, about whether I’m taking good enough care of my pets considering the long hours I devote to work, about whether I’m making forward progress towards a meaningful and fulfilling future or just fucking around and calling it art

When I’m not worrying, though, I’m grateful.

I’m grateful for the position I’ve been put in, and the opportunities that have suddenly presented themselves; I’m writing more for the site now, which makes me really happy. Honestly, if you asked me a few months ago I’d have said I was no way qualified to discuss the lofty and revered subject of video games. Despite having enjoyed a great deal of success in my academic ventures (I used to be into writing about Ancient Greek philosophy, and got a degree about it or something…) I still felt like there had to be some sort of secret code, an invisible authority being distributed by strange women lying in ponds perhaps. What I’ve learned in the past few months is that a lot of it comes down to having really good editors helping you out.

Really, as someone that personally hates receiving criticism I can tell you that having an open mind when it comes to the product you put out will take you very far. 

I’m sure people at work are tired of hearing me say this, but only about 10% of what I’ve published recently was anywhere close to resembling that first draft I submitted. Each version I handed in grew lengths and bounds from the prior attempt, making me sorely wish I’d had an editor as a friend during undergrad. 

If you happen to be interested in reading some of my recent work, here it is:

Skyrim: Hearthfire

Little Big Planet Vita

NiGHTS into Dreams

I have loved videogames for the entirety of my memorable existence, starting out playing Sierra’s The Realm in elementary school, and graduating to great love affairs with games like EverQuest, World of Warcraft, Star Wars Galaxies, Sonic Adventure 2, The Legend of Dragoon, the Xenosaga series, and more recently Skyrim, Borderlands and Dragon Age. If it weren’t for games I would have had no ability to socialize as I was forcibly moved from home to home as a child. Games gave me an escape from a life that has been more troubled than I feel capable of properly expressing without tears or horribly ghoulish laughter. Even now, as I struggle to make sense of my newly found “young adult” existence, games are the silver lining. To be able to give something back to a community that has given so much to me personally is a privilege and an honor. Here’s to hoping things keep looking up.

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Sins of the Father

So I’m reading this book, Toxic Parents. The title is a bit self explanatory, I suppose…

At first I was pretty skeptical about the likelihood that the book would help me. It was published in ’89, the year of my birth. In my experience, waiting a day is likely to result in your information being dated. Waiting 2 decades would seem almost certain to.

A few passages in, I stumbled upon a story that hit a little close to home. Too close. This woman had been forced to begin therapy because her daughter was threatening to stop speaking to her if she didn’t seek help for her anger. She was in the process of going through her 3rd divorce. Her relationships would always start great, and then become more and more hostile. As it turned out, her father had abandoned her and her mother had been ill. As she got closer to men, she’d get more scared about being abandoned, which would come out in hostility. She didn’t even realize the two things were related.

It just makes me think… how many things have I tried to deny, push aside, or ignore only to have them come back and ruin my life in some other seemingly unrelated way?

Ya gotta be honest with yourself. Nuff said.

Another tattoo I’d love to get a version of

Another tattoo I'd love to get a version of

My Netflix Instant Que, a self portrait.

Dinner Time

Dinner Time

Just chillin in my kitchen, about to MURDER some dinner. Look at Onix being all scared in the corner, heh.

Probably my next tattoo :)

Le Petit Prince

Le Petit Prince

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