Being fabulous on a budget is difficult, and don’t let anyone tell you different.
Lately I’ve been struggling a lot. Being a solo female trying to make it on my own in the admittedly tiny city has taken it’s toll. There are so many things you don’t think about having to purchase when you make a decision to cut ties & strike out. Knowing you won’t be able to slip back into your parents house to grab shampoo or leftovers sort of takes the quaintness out of the adventure, replacing it with something more sinister and thrilling – You’re free falling into your future, no longer merely a passenger on the S.S. Predetermination.
I worry about whether I’ve turned the heat on too soon, about whether I’m taking good enough care of my pets considering the long hours I devote to work, about whether I’m making forward progress towards a meaningful and fulfilling future or just fucking around and calling it art.
When I’m not worrying, though, I’m grateful.
I’m grateful for the position I’ve been put in, and the opportunities that have suddenly presented themselves; I’m writing more for the site now, which makes me really happy. Honestly, if you asked me a few months ago I’d have said I was no way qualified to discuss the lofty and revered subject of video games. Despite having enjoyed a great deal of success in my academic ventures (I used to be into writing about Ancient Greek philosophy, and got a degree about it or something…) I still felt like there had to be some sort of secret code, an invisible authority being distributed by strange women lying in ponds perhaps. What I’ve learned in the past few months is that a lot of it comes down to having really good editors helping you out.
Really, as someone that personally hates receiving criticism I can tell you that having an open mind when it comes to the product you put out will take you very far.
I’m sure people at work are tired of hearing me say this, but only about 10% of what I’ve published recently was anywhere close to resembling that first draft I submitted. Each version I handed in grew lengths and bounds from the prior attempt, making me sorely wish I’d had an editor as a friend during undergrad.
If you happen to be interested in reading some of my recent work, here it is:
Little Big Planet Vita
NiGHTS into Dreams
I have loved videogames for the entirety of my memorable existence, starting out playing Sierra’s The Realm in elementary school, and graduating to great love affairs with games like EverQuest, World of Warcraft, Star Wars Galaxies, Sonic Adventure 2, The Legend of Dragoon, the Xenosaga series, and more recently Skyrim, Borderlands and Dragon Age. If it weren’t for games I would have had no ability to socialize as I was forcibly moved from home to home as a child. Games gave me an escape from a life that has been more troubled than I feel capable of properly expressing without tears or horribly ghoulish laughter. Even now, as I struggle to make sense of my newly found “young adult” existence, games are the silver lining. To be able to give something back to a community that has given so much to me personally is a privilege and an honor. Here’s to hoping things keep looking up.